Kookoo for coconuts

I’ve finally found a way to beat the hot Fiji heat.
For months I'd been trying to cool down by drinking cold beverages, but they didn’t seem to do anything for me.
Even Gatorade’s mighty electrolyte – known universally for its ability to refresh and rehydrate – was no match for the scorching Suva sun.
Then it hit me.
Well, thankfully it didn’t actually hit me, because that could have been painful.
Coconuts.
After all, the topical fruit is filled with sweet nectar, and Suva is littered with street vendors hawking freshly picked coconuts.
A few weeks ago, on my way home from the gym, I bought my first coconut off of a vendor for the economical price of $1.
Dying of thirst, I asked the teenage vendor to open the shell for me so I could drink it right away. He pulled out a machete – which seems to be the Fijian equivalent of the Swiss Army Knife, in the sense that everyone carries one – and chopped off the top of the coconut.
As I walked down the street sipping on my coconut, I noticed I was getting some strange looks from passing people. Then I realized that I must look pretty funny drinking straight from a coconut shell.
It’s hard to feel manly while you’re sipping fruit juice out of an edible cup. Drinking a beverage out of a coconut is something middle-aged women do at tropical resorts. One could even make the argument that it’s a rather fruity thing for a man to do.
Suddenly embarrassed, I contemplated what I could do to regain my masculinity. Tough guys are known to drink cans of beer and then crush the can on their head. Maybe I cold try that with my coconut? No, I would probably just end up with a concussion.
Perhaps double-fisting coconuts would make me look cooler? But that wouldn’t work either because it takes two hands to hold the coconut.
I could get the vendor to chop another hole in the coconut, and then I could shotgun its contents, but that could get messy.
Instead, I quickly walked home and enjoyed the remainder of my coconut inside my house. After drinking the fluid, I scooped out the fruit’s flesh with a spoon – it was delicious.
And I was hooked.
With each passing day I purchased another coconut and slowly grew more confident drinking them in public.
Soon I didn’t care if people stared at me as I gulped down a coconut; they’re probably just wish they had one too.
Now I’m proud to be a coconut connoisseur.